missed connections for anger management

You know those personal ad type things where people post-flirt with each other after meeting on public transport. They say things like, 'You were the cute brunette in the blue T-shirt on the jubilee line. I was the the tall blond man in the Mickey Mouse jumper. I got off at Westminster and smiled at you. Did we share a moment? Call me.' That type of thing.

They didn't have the guts to say anything at the time, so are doing it later, when it's 'less awkward' (although publicly) but anonymously.

Well I was thinking they could be introduced to tell people off when you don't have the guts to at the time as well. For example, I would put out an ad that says:

'To the blonde woman at breakfast this morning. I was choosing a banana from the banana bowl, and you just shoved your hand in and stole the banana that I was about to take. For shame! That is rude and inconsiderate behavior, and upon reading this, I hope you are very regretful and embarrassed, and will think twice before you push in front in the banana queue again.'

Yeah exactly, kerpow blonde woman! In your mildly inconsiderate face! Not so much fun to take my banana now, is it?

Or, alternatively, I could put:

'To the group of spoiled students on the underground standing EXACTLY where the corridor meets the platform so that no one can get past you on or off the platform. Yes you you morons. That is a ridiculous place to stand! Ridiculous! You are blocking the entire system. Next time you go on public transport please let common sense pervade and don't stand in a place stops people moving on the already unpleasantly over crowded underground system.'

Yeah, how do you like them apples? eh eh?

And:

'To the woman who's 3 year old was running round the cafe screaming, while you looked fondly on. Don't let your child run round a cafe screaming. Make it stop. It wasn't cute or sweet or in any way amusing, and looking at me, rolling your eyes and shrugging in a kids-eh-what-can-you-do-but-aren't-they-sweet-at-that-age type way, does not count as a parenting technique.'

Yeah, that's right. Down with children.

And finally:

'You were the arrogant and intimidating group of lads I had to walk past to get to the tube on my way back from a gig. I was the woman attempting to walk anonymously by you that you shouted, 'Oi! Give us a smile then!' at, and then, 'Cheer up love it might never happen!' and then 'Cheer up you stuck up bitch!' and then 'I'll give you something to cheer you up!' and then you laughed, jeered, made sarcastic 'wolf-whistle' noises, and spat on the ground. NEVER do this again. It makes you sound pretty rapey to be honest. Even if you are just all 'nice' lads trying to out-hetero-sexualize each other, this is no way to behave. You should stick to wanking in front of each other while deriding gays. Plus if you really hated feminism that much, logically, surely you would want to stop giving them more ammunition. Also please don't spit.'

Yeah, yeah, kerpow rapey men. I've hit you where it hurts.

So wouldn't the world be nicer place, if there was an extra way we could snipe at each other?

Umm....